Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
