one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A+ Viking dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
