He disabled his match.com account in front of me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
