Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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