I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
