...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
