I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
