I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
