Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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