I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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