I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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