Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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