too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
