if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
