that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
