bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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