Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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