K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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