Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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