I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
