My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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