I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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