I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
