So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
