would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
