when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
