Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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