Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
