weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
organizing the empties. That sober.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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