I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
