Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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