just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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