Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
