he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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