He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
