pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
