Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
