At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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