Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
