Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
