i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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