That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
