What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
