Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
