I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
