matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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