wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
