I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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