The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
