Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We need to get me chipped asap
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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