CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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