god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
