the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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