He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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